Didn't I Tell You I Was A Savage?

Here's a good break up story, because who doesn't love chisme?!

A little backstory is the relationship was emotionally abusive and once I realized that what he was doing to me was wrong, I had to get out. As weird as this may sound, while we were together I got over him. Mentally I went through "well what would I do if we broke up" or "where would I go/stay?" My mom lives out of state and I didn't talk to my dad very often. So once I got over him while still being with him, the decisions I made seemed a lot easier. I was always scared of him, but I got to a point where I would talk back and stop taking the abuse.

Even though the relationship was bad for many years, I was always faithful. He was the only person I had ever been with sexually involved with. So for those who say "oh why did you stay?" I will say this on behalf of many women who are in, or who have been in my situation. It's all you have ever known and you don't know anything different. It took me a very long time and trust me it wasn't easy. I still have a lot of emotional issues when it comes to guys because of what my he put me through. Now I will say this, yes he was an asshole but he had his moments where I could tell he did care and that's what made me stay.

Now I'm going to admit to the one thing that most people find unforgivable. I cheated. Now, before you start talking shit let me say this. I owned up to it and I don't make any excuses for what happened. I didn't know how to end the relationship and I felt like every time I tried talking to him about separating my point just wasn't getting across. Also I wasn't getting the attention that I needed, so I found that attention in someone else. To make a long story short there were three different weekends where I took off on him. I would go to work then go see the other guy and let my phone die. I wouldn't reply to him or even try to contact him, he didn't know where I was, who I was with, or what I was doing. I was running away because I couldn't deal with him anymore and I didn't know how to properly deal with him at all.

One day he finally found me as I was walking out of an office for a job interview. I was surprised that he had hunted me down, but I also knew that we needed to talk and end things for good. What hit me and made me realize that I needed to end it was the last time we had sex, I was thinking of the other guy. Any emotion I had for him while we had sex was finally gone. So when he picked me up, our conversation went like this:

Him: Are you still mine?

Me: NO (he let go of my hand right after I said that)

Him: Well you only slept with him once right?

Me: I spent three different weekends with the guy, do you really think it was only once?

Him: *Yelling* Does he have a bigger dick?!

Me: That has nothing to do with what's wrong with us and not why I'm breaking up with you

Him: *continues yelling at the top of his lungs repeatedly* 'Does he a fucking bigger dick*

Me *finally yelled back after trying to remain calm and civil* You really wanna fucking know?!

Him: *Yelling* YES

Me: *Yelling* You know what he does have a fucking bigger dick, and you know what else? The last time we had sex I wasn't thinking of you!

Him: *quiet* then says 'why are you trying to hurt me?

Me: I wasn't trying to hurt you, I was trying to get you to understand what is really going on but you weren't going to listen

He had asked me if we could still try and make things work. I told him no, because I knew he would never trust me again, and I wasn't going to be with someone who now had a legitimate reason to hate me. Also, if you can't trust your partner, then there is no reason for you two to be together. I'll admit, I did lie to him for two months in saying that the guy was just a friend. The reason I didn't deal with things right away was because I had been with him for such a long time and a part of me wanted to make things work, but when I found myself still finding ways to see this other guy, I knew in my heart I was over him. I didn't feel any remorse after awhile and I knew that in itself was terrible.

Now, I didn't post this to put his business on blast, (truth be told, he was pretty stacked in his pants, but there will always be bigger) I posted it because I wanted to share my story. You guys know a lot about me and this was missing. Also my message here is everyone has a breaking point. I was pushed beyond mine, and things turned out terribly. Now yes, I do wish that I could have just ended things before there was any betrayal on my end. However that's not what happened, I don't make any excuses for what I did, and I am still moving on from the emotional damage I dealt with from the relationship.

He is the reason why I am afraid to completely open up to someone. I'm afraid that they will use all of my weaknesses against me and I refuse to ever go through that again. It's why I may seem harsh with guys, but the right one will understand. (Vaga has a heart, believe it or not!)

So dump that asshole and go find a guy with a big dick who treats you right! He's out there somewhere! (Vaga just likes to focus on the big dicks for now!)